Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
