I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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