Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
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She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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