The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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