so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
