That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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