actually, I'm a sock model
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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