oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
