so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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