they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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