Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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