When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
