I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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