Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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