You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
