I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
