She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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