I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
worst night to have a conscience
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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