i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
