i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
