The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
