apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
