dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
