I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
