apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
