I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have post one night stand depression
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
