So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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