My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You left your phone here
Wait...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
