Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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