guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
