you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
