you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
