whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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