I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if only i could text you this smell
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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