Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
