Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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