Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just high enough for therapy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
