Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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