When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
