You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
