I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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