If i come over, it means nothing
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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