does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
