and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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