There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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