I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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