Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
