Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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