FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
