How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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