We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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