We won't sleep together?
Don't make out with my wife yet
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
