can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
