I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
