I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
