Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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