I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
and she was petting her beer can
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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