don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
