he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
