It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can't put those talents on a resume
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
