A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
