Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
