Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
