yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
