Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize