I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
FUCK WHALES
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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