sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
