My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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