i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
