i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
