Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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