I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
