Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
