I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
