No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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