I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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