he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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