I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
