I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
