Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
