she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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