JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
