saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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