Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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